Humans evolved to survive in groups, whether that’s gathering food or fighting off predators. So when we’re isolated, we’re convinced that we’re in danger. We become more anxious, fearful, stressed, and angry.
And, in a cruel twist, loneliness makes us feel more threatened by social interactions – the very thing we need. So we crawl deeper into isolation, creating a cycle of loneliness. Former US surgeon general Vivek Murthy writes: “Over time, this vicious cycle may convince us we don’t matter to anyone and that we’re unworthy of love.”
Ultimately, socially isolated people are 50% more likely to die prematurely – the equivalent of having six alcoholic drinks a day or smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
L’infografica interattiva by The Pudding
Ma forse, questa è la riflessione più forte di tutto lo studio:
Talking about loneliness feels so deeply personal. It makes us so vulnerable because it means telling someone that you’re hurting on a primal level. So we don’t talk about it. The epidemic becomes invisible.
I see myself in so many people in this story. I see college students who spend all day around other people, only to feel completely alone. I see 20-somethings spend all day at work in hopes of filling a social void. I see middle-aged people desperately trying to be wealthy and successful, because they think it will make them worthy of love. I see elderly people who trigger my deep fear of isolation in old age, even though that’s become the norm.
If they are anything like me, they’re not telling anyone they’re lonely – or even admitting it to themselves.
So here’s my first attempt: I want to be around people who care about me – and I want to be able to take care of them. I want my world to be filled with the warmth of loved ones, from now until death.
But, really, I just don’t want to go to sleep feeling like I’m all alone.
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